Catching Up

Well I did it. I finally got my meds for my OCD. This has been the longest Spring I’ve experienced since I can remember. I think I can trace a lot of my symptoms back to normal spring time mania. That stuff I go through every year. But also, I got my Covid-19 shot. I was warned about possible psychiatric side effects afterwards so I was prepared. So far, I’ve experienced insomnia, paranoia, and excessive anxiety. 

I’ve also noticed an increase in join pain/myalgia due to my weight and thyroid issues. It’s been difficult but I’m on the mend alhamdulillah. Getting the OCD medication has made me feel complete because it means my psych profile is totally covered. All of my diagnoses are being looked after and I’m happy with the care I’m receiving. 

The first time I was treated for OCD was at an inpatient facility. A PA made a subtle reference to my symptoms and I felt seen. It was a nice experience. Since then, I’ve struggled with taking my medicine properly and adhering to my doctor’s regimen on a regular basis. But lately, I’ve started taking things more seriously. 

I understand how important it is to follow what he suggests and listen to his advice. And I know it’s for my own good. Still, it’s hard to accept that I need help. OCD is a debilitating disorder. The intrusive thoughts never stop. You’re always second guessing yourself and ruminating. Playing scenes out in your head and running over dialogues repeatedly. 

It’s exhausting. I’m tired of hearing myself think. Sometimes I just want a break. I’m doing well with my other meds too; those for migraines and narcolepsy, thankfully. And it’s helping me with my daily routines and family life. I am getting organized with my health care after all this time. It feels bittersweet because I’d love to be able to share this part of my life with my mom. She’d be so proud of me. 

Anyway here’s hoping I tolerate the Paxil well and take it properly/regularly. Last night was the first time in a long time that I didn’t wrestle with my thoughts. I woke up feeling refreshed. Even if somewhat tired. Let’s make this a habit.