The Spider

Yesterday I had a panic attack. I haven’t had one in a while so I didn’t recognize it. It was brought on by a black spider that crawled across my arm and hand while I was lying down.

After I brushed it off me, I had a few moments of worry because I could t find it anywhere in my room. Finally it came out from my clothes and fell on the floor.

In the aftermath, I couldn’t do anything. I sat on my bed mindlessly scrolling the net. I had heart palpitations and ramped up feelings of anxiety. I couldn’t breathe or calm down.

I couldn’t even relax on my bed due to the fear that the now dead spider was going to come back somehow or another one would race across my body again. It was debilitating.

I kept thinking someone magically sent the spider to terrorize me or scare me. And that the spider was somehow purposely out to get me. It wasn’t until I actively told myself “you”re not afraid anymore…” repeatedly that I started to calm down.

That hasn’t happened in a while.

But at least I could think myself out of it eventually. This is progress